February 2014 Bridal Networking Event in Laguna Hills

The Secret To Successful Networking Is A Four Letter Word

Mindy Lockard, Contributor

 

                 Talk.

This is the first of a three part series exploring the professional words we use. Over the next three weeks we will cover our words related to: networking, interviewing and just around the office. The words we choose have been proven to impact our personal brand and how quickly we move up or down the professional ladder. Here’s to keeping our words and our future on the up and up!

A Harvard University study shows that 15% of the reason a person gets a job, keeps a job, or advances in a job is related to technical skills and job knowledge… 85% has to do with people skills. Due to our current employment rate and downsized companies, working this 85% is never more important than when networking. Whether it’s official business or social, making conversations can make or break how we build a network of people to call on as we make our journey up the professional ladder.

As the old saying goes, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Likewise, what comes out of your mouth can never taken back.  Remember – working a room is work. It’s exhausting, and it can be overwhelming, but with a few conversation skills you can be sure that you’ll be communicating with 100% of your people skills.

Work Your Name: Enunciating your first and last name is the single most important aspect of networking, because if those you’re connecting with don’t know your name…they can’t contact you. When saying your name, say it slowly and clearly. In the world of self-introductions, Mindy easily becomes Cindy, and more difficult names can become nothing more than a mumble… especially in a sea of people working hard to make their names known and remembered.

Work to Remember Names: Ninety percent of the clients I ask say they are terrible at remembering names. But remembering names is the key to creating a strong network. After all, it’s hard to call on “What’s his name” or to engage with “Hey, YOU,” for an entire conversation. A quick tip to remembering names is to make sure you hear it and know it right away by adding it to the conversation, “Nice to meet you, Jim,” or “Tell me about what you do for XYZ bank, Jim.” And if you didn’t catch it the first time, ask again. “Please, tell me your name again,” and this time stop, look at the person in front of you, and truly listen!

Work to Know Others: Creating a solid network of people that you can call on for advancement or professional collaboration comes from getting to know others. Networking conversation works best when you exercise a 30% responding to questions about you and 70% actively try to learn about others. Ask open-ended questions such as “Tell me about how long you’ve been with Bank XYZ?” rather than “How long have you been with Bank XYZ?” Using “Tell me about . . .” actually requires your conversational partner to reply with more than one word. A conversation of one-word answers is, in a word, awkward.
Networking conversation should always be inclusive. A potential business associate should never try to enter your conversation with someone else only to feel the cold shoulder. Bring others in with a warm welcome like, “Mary, so great to see you.  We were just discussing Jim’s recent trip to Paris,” or “Hi, my name is Mindy and this is Jim. We were just discussing his recent trip to Paris. Have you been?”

Work to Help Others Connect: Remember that working a room is all about staying in motion. Sometimes,  a chatty Cathy corners us and won’t let us go. Prepare for these situations by crafting an exit strategy. You might say, “I really enjoyed meeting you, Cathy! I see my colleague Jennifer has just arrived and I promised to introduced her to our new client.”  Or you could introduce your new friend to someone who has something in common with her. “Cathy, I’d like to introduce you to Steve. Steve just moved to the area from your hometown.  I’m sure he would love to hear how your transition went.” Thus, you free yourself up to meet new people and help Cathy connect with another potential new friend.

Using your words wisely and truly engaging with people will set you apart from the rest of the room. Not only will you be remembered, but by asking intelligent questions of others, you will build a strong network of people you can call on when researching, fact-finding or pursuing a job or advancement. Remembering that 85% of job success comes from successful people skills, work a room with confidence and you’ll find yourself with a 100% return on every conversation.

Mindy Lockard is a nationally recognized etiquette and personal branding expert. Through her writing, speaking and as an on-air television segments, Mindy strives to uphold the values of tradition with a modern twist. Keep intouch with Mindy, The Gracious Girl, on Twitter, Facebook and The Gracious Girl blog.

Coming Soon to Tiato in Santa Monica

Awesome Organic lunch at Tiato in Santa Monica -- the site of our first Bridal Networking Event in May. This was Grilled Eggplant and Tofu in Black Bean Sauce, Truffle Mac n Cheese and Green Goddess health drink. Mmmm good! Can't wait for our event!

May 22nd will be our first OC Brides event in LA.  Join us for some great networking contrived of bonding and new relationships!  You'll surely leave with more friends than you started.  Check OC Brides for more info.  Registration will be open around April 19th.

3 Networking Rules You Should Break

  by Tony Morrison

Some people are naturally great networkers – they have a million stories, know what to say and to whom, and they can tell a joke with perfect timing. They are great at meeting new people and making small talk, and by the end of a function they will leave with a pocket full of business cards to prove it.

If this isn’t you, learning to be like that can be a challenge. Even worse, there is no exact formula for being a great networker. Yes, there are certain rules and etiquette to follow, but in the end, it’s not a guarantee. It takes practice – and not just in the beginning stages. Networking continues throughout one’s career.

If you are struggling with networking, then let’s take a different perspective to explore what you might be doing wrong in networking situations, and stop those habits first. Take a look at the this starter list of 3 rules that you should consider breaking:

Rule 1: Networking to Achieve Personal Gains
Think you’re being sly about promoting yourself for job leads or for your “game-changing” startup? Think again. Self-promotion is easy to spot, and as a result, others will avoid you. Shameless self-promotion can only come off as insincere. Treating people like business prospects devalues the rapport you’re trying to build. Instead, talk less about yourself and listen to others for ways that you can be a valuable connection.

Rule 2: Never Asking for Help
Note that there is a time and place for everything. While you should not ever solely reach out to your contacts because you need something, it’s perfectly fine to speak up when you could really use some advice or a favor. If you’ve been able to be of value to others, your connections will have no problem helping you in return. Reciprocity is the name of the game.

Rule 3: Handing Out Business Cards to Everyone You Meet
This doesn’t mean everyone you meet isn’t a potential connection; they very well could be. However, rather than handing out business cards, make sure that you’re establishing a relevant and mutually beneficial connection first. Then make a plan to connect at a later date to have a deeper discussion and exchange your contact information It also makes it easier for you to follow up with five people you got to know really well, than it is to contact 25 people about whom you know nothing because you only exchanged your card with them. By all means though, if they ask for your card instead, don’t hesitate to give them one (it’s a good thing!).

The key difference between a great networker and a bad networker is that the latter will see networking as a chore, while the former will see it as furthering or nurturing an ongoing relationship with peers and opinion leaders in their profession. ​Networking isn’t necessarily about the people you know or how many LinkedIn connections you have. It’s more about how well you know the people with whom you are connected and whether or not you can offer valuable advice, skills, or be of service to them in some way, and vice versa.

Tony Morrison is the Vice President of Business Development at Cachinko, a unique professional community where social networking and job opportunities come together. His roles include sales, marketing, and business development. He brings passion to Cachinko where he focuses on helping job seekers to find their ideal job and employers to find, attract, and engage their next rock star candidates. Find him on Twitter and Talent Connection. And, connect with Cachinko on Facebook or Twitter.

Source: A Hire Calling
Photo: bepsy/Shutterstock.com

How networking can work for you

I personally love this article.  It really helps you understand the basics of networking and how it can work for you.  I have had many people attend our OCBrides events on the hunt for wedding planners.  They think the wedding planners are the best people to get to know so they can "refer them".  But that isn't what networking is about at all.  The people that come to our events consistently and build and nurture relationships with others in the industry no matter what part of the industry are the one's that are getting business.  I have had many members tell me how they have received business within our group.

I say it a lot, but networking is the cheapest form of advertising your business in this challenging economy.  Most people in this industry work alone with no employees and many have had to take "day"jobs to make ends meet.  I hope that you all read my Facebook posts and blogs about how to be a better networker.  These tips and reminders can truly help you get more business referrals and build your name in the industry.

And watch our website, www.ocbrides.com, for news and listings of our upcoming monthly Bridal Networking events.

Cindy Lieber
OC Brides


Source:  Economic Times -- Industry News
New York Times Jan 31, 2012,

Networking is like brushing your teeth: Does it feel natural or enjoyable? Not really. Is it enough, however, to brush only when a toothache occurs? Regrettably, no. In the same way, networking requires constant and careful attention for a prolonged period of time.

In their new report, 'Creating and Nurturing Your Social Network: The Art of Building Long-term Mutually Beneficial Relationships', Fabrizio Ferraro and Conor Neill of the Instituto de Estudios Superiores de la Empresa at the University of Navarra in Spain discuss what networking is.


They suggest that the familiar scramble for assistance when something urgent is needed - a job, some advice or a charitable donation - is not actually networking, but rather part of the 'sales' process.
Most real networking relationships will be developed long before you actually need them.
Networking does not come naturally to most people. A bountiful garden is not created overnight. The plants are selected with careful deliberation and nurtured through time. Unwanted weeds are slowly identified and removed.

Begin with communication. Ask lots of questions of the people you meet, and show an interest in their passions. Simple requests for advice or contact suggestions make it easy for others to help you. You need to make a deposit in the relationship bank before asking for a large withdrawal.
Continue with appreciation. Always let people know you appreciate their help. A written thank-you note or a thoughtful act stands out in a world in which email reigns supreme.

Don't forget to inventory. It doesn't hurt to make a list every now and then. Who do you know? Even more important, who do you want to know? Here are some practical considerations to help you master the art of building long-term, mutually beneficial relationships:

INTERDEPENDENCE
Our teamwork ability and relationship-management skills are every bit as important as the projects we undertake. It pays to acknowledge the value of the networking process and make space for it.


PERSEVERANCE
Good things take time, and you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. Start building your network long before you need it.

RECIPROCITY
It often begins with a compliment about a presentation or project. If you offer someone help, be sure to follow through. Trust and reputation depend on reliability.

SIMILARITY
While it's easier to befriend people who are like you, it's always possible to find some middle ground with others, no matter how different they may appear at first. Step outside your comfort zone and learn from people with diverse backgrounds, objectives and incentives. Bill Gates once said in an interview that he prefers to read an entire magazine, not only the parts that interest him. That way, he always learns something new.

PROXIMITY
Most social relationships are born out of proximity. However, proximity won't help if you don't try to get actively involved in relationship.

CONNECTIONS

Successful leaders influence contacts from one network to another. Think about the people in your contact list. Who needs attention? Who is owed favours or needs your help? You can begin thinking of your network as a lifetime journey.

SOCIABILITY
Find venues and situations in which you actually enjoy networking, rather than forcing yourself to schmooze in uncomfortable settings. Make time to lead a well-rounded life outside of work.

It can be a powerful, rewarding experience to share time with people who value you, not what you do nor what you bring them. These relationships are a valuable source of energy and self-confidence.

Networking is not all about what others can do for you. Think about what you can bring to the table. In all aspects of life, networking doesn't come down to the question, "How will this benefit me?" It makes more sense to ask, "'How can I add to this situation?" You will be rewarded in time as your garden grows.

Source:  Economic Times -- Industry News
New York Times Jan 31, 2012, 04.37AM IST
 

What To Do After Meeting Vendors at Our Networking Events

The Importance Of The Coffee Date And Other Informal Networking Tips

1 day ago by Kendra Anderson |

Kendra T. Anderson is a digital strategist with over five years experience in marketing, content distribution, social media, and brand building. 

Networking is like the teethbrushing of career growth: you always have to do it, even when you’re tired; the more you do it, the healthier you are; and sometimes, it leaves you with a minty fresh feeling. And informal networking is like the flossing that always gets skipped even though it is recommended strongly by your dentist.

I’m kidding, but only partially. Most women understand the value of networking, but don’t do enough of it.  It’s easy to push it off when you’ve got a lot on your plate, or when you’re exhausted, or really, for any reason. It’s not until you have a specific career-related need that you remember the value of tapping into your professional network, and often, that one-time ask isn’t effective.

The key is to incorporate informal networking into your regular schedule: coffee dates, phone calls, email conversations, etc. Why are these meetings important? They improve your networking skills and grow your professional contact group; and in a casual environment, stakes are lower, so it’s easier to absorb valuable knowledge.

Jen Scott, Senior Director of Career Management at The Advisory Board Company, offers this advice:

“Cultivating a good professional network will provide you with a proven advantage as you navigate important career moves, gain critical feedback, and develop essential skills.  (While formal networking, sponsorship, or mentoring programs are also helpful, the opportunities for that are more limited – although if you are invited to be part of such a program, accept!)  It’s a great way to build key relationships.”

But most of the power of a network is harnessed informally – through casual and organically-formed bonds with others – perhaps a shared interest or favorite sports team as well as a common area of professional or career interest.

You know it’s important, so how can you make the most of informal networking? Here are three tips:

1. Get out of your own way
Networking is prey to all the pitfalls of social interaction – we feel constant pressure to make a good impression and say the right things. But while timidity can hold you back when going to a party, this is business, and it shouldn’t interfere with your goals. In a professional setting, networking is about marketing yourself, and the more confidence you have, the better job you’ll do.

Joanna Lindenbaum, Owner of Soulful Coaching for Busy Women, puts it this way:

“Connecting with colleagues, contacts, and community members is vital to creating a successful career or business for yourself. This is because at its heart, marketing (networking) is about creating relationships and connections. Marketing isn’t just for business owners. It’s for anyone who is seeking visibility, acknowledgement, and recognition in their career.”

Still, it’s easy to be intimidated by the thought of meeting a high level professional in your field. But instead of second-guessing yourself, focus on confidence. A couple years ago, while in a cross-functional role at work, the managing partner of the organization offered to discuss career-pathing with me. At the time I assumed it was a passing comment, and was reluctant to follow up on the offer. When I finally pushed past my timidity and requested a coffee meeting, he was more than happy to spend time answering my questions and offering advice. As a result, I felt more poised and confident, and came away with a lot of great professional food for thought.

2. Have an agenda and a goal
Confidence will help you get your foot in the door, but once you’re there you need to have something intelligent to say. When strategizing for an informal meeting, determine a goal you’d like to achieve as a result of the conversation. Jenn Korducki Krenn of DreamChamps recommends going to the meeting not with the expectation that you’ll immediately have a job prospect, but that you’ll learn something valuable to build on later.

When I moved to New York and began my job search in earnest, I thought an ad agency might be the right fit for me, but didn’t understand the different jobs available. Through a friend of a friend, I reached out to an agency SVP for an informational conversation. Going into that meeting, I knew I needed to find out two things: what roles exist in an agency setting, and which are a good fit for me?

On top of working towards your meeting goal, it’s helpful to have a personalized agenda or list of questions you can ask your professional contact. Do your research on the person’s background, especially if he or she is a high level executive, and think of related topics that would be interesting to him or her. I often start the conversation reiterating my appreciation for taking time to speak with me, emphasizing an aspect of his/her background I think is especially interesting. From there I’ll ask how his or her experience has led to this current role. Discussing his or her professional accomplishments is a great way to break the ice, and leads to a candid conversation.

3. Stay in touch
Your meeting doesn’t end when it’s over. Send a follow up note thanking your contact for a meaningful conversation, and express your intention to keep in touch. Gratitude goes a long way.
Lindenbaum says “The more you establish and deepen relationships with others, the more you get to know them and let them know you, then the more likely you are to be seen in big ways.”
Keep in touch with this new member of your professional network. You can choose to include him or her in your newsletter updates, email a link to a relevant article, or even just send a card on his or her birthday. Casual, sporadic touchpoints help keep the relationship warm, and keep you top of mind.
And now for a challenge: Identify a professional contact you’d like to meet or get to know better. Using the tips above, create a strategy to approach this person – how you will you reach out, what you will say, what your meeting goal will be. Now that you have your action items, get to work, and report back to let us know how it went.

What are your tips for making the most of informal networking? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Follow this author on Twitter or visit her website to learn more.

Networking's Gender Gap

A book examines how men and women build the business relationships that help them succeed.

Ask Rex Huppke: I Just Work Here

December 12, 2011

Men and women handle networking differently -- "let's make a deal" men vs. "let's build relationships" for women, according to a new book, "Business Networking and Sex." (Blend Images / December 9, 2011)

I recently received an advance copy of a book that has the word "SEX" in the title in big, red capital letters and, because I'm a sucker and a guy, I opened it and started looking for pictures.

Finding none, I grunted and settled for second-best — looking at the words. Turns out they are quite interesting, and not in the way you might imagine.

The book is called "Business Networking and Sex," and it's a fascinating examination of the ways professional men and women interact and network. Based on data culled from about 12,000 online surveys and interviews with an array of experts, the book provides refreshingly pragmatic takes on why women and men interact differently in the working world, as well as suggestions on how to improve those interactions.

Here's the bottom line: Most men approach their business dealings like men, most women approach their business dealings like women, and neither side seems particularly interested in understanding why there's sometimes a disconnect.

"The biggest thing we found, I think, is that we're really not that far apart, men and women," said co-author Hazel Walker, a networking strategist. "We want the exact same things, we're headed to the same destination, we just use different techniques and tactics to get there."

The book explains how men tend to use a "transactional" approach to business — very direct, cut to the chase, close the deal, with a good amount of highlighting one's accomplishments mixed in.

Women more often use a "relational" approach — getting to know people, building a relationship first and then getting down to the business at hand.

"If you think about the history of mankind, men were the hunters, women were the gatherers," Walker said. "Women were the keepers of the fires, the builders of the community. Women understood they have to have relationships around them to survive."

And the bad news for my fellow men is, not surprisingly, the women's approach seems to be more effective.

"When we really looked at the data, women fared much better in the results," said co-author Ivan Misner, founder and chairman of Business Network International. "The bottom line is women spend less time networking and still get a greater percentage of their business through referrals. Whether you're a man or a woman, focusing on the professional relationship will get you farther than focusing on a transaction."

Misner said that to test this theory about the importance of relationships among women, he asked a large audience he was addressing whether they had a relationship with their dry cleaner.

"Ten times more women raised their hands than men," he said. "Men view something like a dry cleaner as a transaction. 'I give them money, they clean my clothes.' Women will get to know the people that work there better and view it much more like a relationship than a transaction."

So why is this a problem?

"The problem is that women speak to men to relate and men speak to women to impress," Walker said. "Because women speak to relate, men think they're not serious about their business, they always get personal. They're just as serious as the guys are; they just do it differently."

And guys acting like guys — puffing out their chests or sidestepping relational topics and getting right down to business — can be off-putting to a woman, who thinks the man is flirting or not taking her seriously.

These disconnects are often made worse by two false stereotypes — that men mainly want to stare at women's chests and that women dress provocatively so men will notice their chests.

The book puts forth a "98/2 rule," which says that, "Two percent of the population in each demographic creates a reputation for the remaining 98 percent."

"The overwhelming majority of men at a business event behave appropriately," Misner said. "It's that 2 percent that do not, and that becomes the perception of the gender. Most women dress completely appropriately at business events — it's that 2 percent that don't that become the water cooler discussion. Small percentages can lead the discussion."

And those false perceptions put up immediate — and unnecessary — blockades to smooth interaction.

So how can we get past the differences in our gender-specific approaches to business? (This all starts to feel a bit like a grade-school dance, with girls on one side of the gym, boys on the other and nobody having a clue how to break the ice.)

Walker and Misner say it boils down to the simple axiom that knowledge is power. If you're a man, recognize that the way you typically approach another man in a work situation might not work as well with a woman. Ditto for women.

"The guys need to slow down, listen to her — find ways to find common ground and you will build business with her," Walker said. "And women need to be more clear in their communication. Say what you want. Be more direct and men will respond better."

Undoubtedly some folks out there — male and female —will view this advice as sexist to some degree. And certainly the assumptions made in the book, which comes out in January, do not apply to every man or woman.

But I think we're better served dropping any pretense of political correctness and taking an honest look at our natural tendencies. Men and women are different. We comport ourselves — at work and in our personal lives — in ways that don't always mesh.

Personal relationships between men and women work best when there's compromise and a mutual understanding of how each person functions.

Why should it be any different in the workplace?

You can learn more about the survey data and the book at BusinessNetworkingandSex.com.

TALK TO REX: Ask workplace questions — anonymously or by name — and share stories with Rex Huppke at IJustWorkHere@tribune.com, like him on Facebook at facebook.com/rexworkshere and find more at chicagotribune.com/ijustworkhere.

Men and Women Network Differently!

WOMEN AT WORK

The serendipitous side of networking

LEAH EICHLER | Columnist profile

From Saturday's Globe and Mail

Published Friday, Jan. 06, 2012 6:37PM EST

Deborah Gillis had just returned to work leading a business consulting practice, after being treated for breast cancer, when a former colleague invited her to lunch out of the blue.

“She asked me the big question: How has this experience impacted your life?” recalls Ms. Gillis. She replied that it had forced her to re-evaluate all aspects of her life, including her career. She explained that she wanted to find work that was more meaningful to her but hadn’t thought it through yet.

Ms. Gillis’s lunch date told her that she knew of a headhunter looking for someone to work for anot-for-profit organization in Toronto focusing on issues facing women in business. Because that’s a mission Ms. Gillis strongly supports, she agreed to connect with the recruiter. In less than a week, she was asked to lead Catalyst's Canadian operation. Today, she is Catalyst’s senior vice-president for membership and global operations.

“It really feels like one of those serendipitous, meant-to-be situations, because I’ve not seen that woman since that day, five and a half years ago,” Ms. Gillis said of the luncheon encounter.

“You really don’t know where and when someone that you have met, or worked with, or been introduced to, may present an opportunity that may not only be career-changing but can be life-changing,” she added.

Most professionals know that networking is an important part of building your business and career but few place the appropriate emphasis on developing their contacts.

At the risk of generalizing, women seem to spend less time cultivating their networks than men do, for a couple of reasons. One is that networking is a time-consuming activity and for many women, time is a commodity in short supply. Also, some women find it insincere to meet people to explicitly to look for business, and believe that hard work and determination will be enough to get them ahead.

According to a Harvard Business Review research report published in early 2011, 77 per cent of women surveyed believed that hard work and long hours, not connections, would secure their advancement.

Men network differently than women, according to Hazel Walker. She is one of the authors of Business Networking and Sex (Not What You Think),and an executive director of the Central Indiana region of BNI, an international business networking association. Their different approaches may render the experience less beneficial to women at organized networking events, she added.

“Women network for relationships. They are not really good at asking for business,” observed Ms. Walker, who noted that men ask for business very quickly and feel that a relationship forms while working together on that transaction. When men approach women using this tactic, she said women find it “too sales-y.”

“Business is about business for men – it’s about doing the deal, selling the product and getting the money,” said Ms. Walker. And when women emphasize relationships over transactions, men interpret that to mean they don’t take their business seriously, she said.

I worry that Ms. Walker's argument places a larger onus on women, instructing them on how to network like men. Hopefully, men will learn from the book that women do indeed take their businesses very seriously, even if they tread more cautiously before entering into a business relationship.

Ms. Walker said the inspiration for Business Networking and Sex came to her a few years ago after observing a networking event where people were being instructed on ways they could help others, and ways others could help them. The women in the group embraced the chance to help others but felt resistant to asking for assistance, Ms. Walker recalled.

She advises women not to be afraid to directly ask for what they want, especially when dealing with men.

The other piece of advice she gives female networkers is to talk up their accomplishments.

“Men speak to impress one another and women speak to relate to one another. But when a man speaks to a women, he’s trying to impress, she’s trying to relate – and they walk away frustrated,” Ms. Walker said.

“Don’t tell [him] you’re the Mary Kay lady, because [he’s] going to think you sell lipstick. Instead, say, ‘I run a cosmetic organization. I have 250 people in my organization and I probably bring down $65,000 to $75,000 a year doing that.’ That’s what a man wants to hear,” she said.

Leah Eichler is a senior editor at Thomson Reuters who writes about women, their careers and success. E-mail: leah.eichler@rogers.com

May Mixer at M Foscari

M Foscari Mediterranean restaurant was the site of the May mixer for wedding professionals. Maria provided a wonderful spread of pasta and meat dishes as well as a signature Sangria drink. Photos taken by Luminaire Images. Great job Molly!! Flowers provided by Blooms and Kisses. There were so many to raffle, it was quite a treat! And once again Ana brought her famous Chocolate Carmel Apples for the raffle. Alan Katz gave a great speech on I Do Don'ts!Thanks so much to everyone who made this an awesome event.